


An Awful Hole

by justyrae



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Canon Compliant, It's a Wonderful Life, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-24
Updated: 2015-12-24
Packaged: 2018-05-08 07:51:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5489378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justyrae/pseuds/justyrae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Strange, isn't it? Each man's life touches so many other lives. When he isn't around he leaves an awful hole, doesn't he?" - Clarence Oddbody, AS2</p>
            </blockquote>





	An Awful Hole

**Author's Note:**

> a long, long time ago (at least a year ago, if not more) I decided that if anyone in 1D were to have a George Bailey moment, it'd be Liam. somehow this idea kept getting put off and pushed to the side until last week when it popped into my head and I decided to put my big bang fic on hold and see if I could crank it out in under a week, just in time for Christmas (even though nothing in the storyline has ANYTHING to do with Christmas because shit happens okay).
> 
> I don't know how, but I managed it.
> 
> big thanks to Jay for the beta and hand-holding, as always <3 (special mention to Kate, who - IN SPITE OF TAUNTING ME FOR ALWAYS WRITING SAD FICS - is also partly responsible for me writing this)

There are a lot of things that Liam absolutely loves about his life, but when the bad outweighs the good it's hard for him to keep track of them. Sometimes he falls into a deep hole of self-loathing and he can't help but feel like everyone's against him, that nobody could possibly understand what's going on inside his head and he shouldn't even try to explain. It happens more often than Liam likes to admit but it's always passed within a matter of hours and Liam hasn't had to worry about it.

He didn't expect to ever have to worry about it, but he should've seen it coming. It was only a matter of time before a catalyst occurred to have him fall deeper than ever before.

Never in a million years did he expect it to be Sophia.

"What d'you mean, we're over?" Liam sputters. "But I… you…"

"It means what it means, Liam," Sophia says, avoiding Liam's eyes as she finishes packing up her bag. "I'm going home and you're staying here and that's how this is going to go."

"But I don't understand!" Liam reaches out to touch her arm, not to grab her but he can't help but wonder if he manages to hold her in his arms he can convince her to stay. "We were just talking about getting married!"

"That's all it was, Liam: just talk." Sophia shakes her head. "Talking won't fix…"

"Won't fix what?" Sophia shakes her head again and turns her back to Liam. "Won't fix _what_?" he demands.

"It can't be fixed," she says as she turns around suddenly, her bag zipped shut and tucked against her arm. "There's nothing you can do, short of…" she trails off again and laughs softly under her breath.

"Short of what?" Liam presses. "Soph, tell me, please. What can I do?"

"That's just it, Liam. I can't ask you to…" Sophia inhales sharply. "It's just not fair to you, alright? I'm leaving, that's that."

"Sophia, you can't--" Liam tries to stop her from leaving the room but she pushes past him and heads for the door. "Sophia!"

He follows her out into the hallway still calling her name but she doesn't turn around. She doesn't even try to wait for the elevator but instead takes the stairs and Liam wants nothing more than to go after her but… he doesn't want to cause a scene in the hotel lobby, so he lets her go.

"Sophia," he whispers softly one last time, even though she's long gone from his sight and can't possibly hear him.

Liam stands in the hallway for a few minutes and tries to reconcile the last ten minutes with the last ten months, trying to figure out what went wrong when a door across the hall opens and the sound of laughter spills out into the hallway.

"Oi, Liam!"

Liam can't bring himself to look at Louis, he doesn't want him to see the tears in his eyes and the hurt written across his face. He knows Louis and Niall have been holed up across the hall most of the day having a FIFA tournament and he's more than welcome to join them, but that's the last thing in the world he wants to do.

"Li, you alright?" Niall's voice is tinged with caution and Liam sniffs loudly before he waves his hand at the pair of them.

"M'fine," he mutters. "Gonna have a liedown, that's all."

"Liam," Louis starts, but Liam doesn't hang around to hear the rest. He shakes his head and steps back into his room, shutting the door quickly and latching the chain across so nobody else can come in.

He barely manages to step away from the door before he starts to sob, falling to his knees as he tries to muffle the sound. No more than thirty seconds later he hears Louis and Niall pounding on his door and calling his name, pleading with him to open the door and let them in. He doesn't intend to answer them at all because he's still got his hands clamped over his mouth to suppress the sound of his crying, but they won't relent. They threaten to use the keycard to his room - they've all got copies for each other's rooms - and that's an ultimatum that Liam can't let go without an answer. He can't let them see him like this.

"Go away!" he shouts though his voice is already hoarse from trying to hold back his cries. He hates the sound and he knows that it's only going to make the lads that much more desperate to get inside his room.

"Liam," Niall's voice carries through the door and if Liam thought he sounded cautious before, now Niall sounds downright worried. "Liam, let us in."

"No," he replies, putting everything into his voice to make it sound far stronger than he feels. "I'm fine."

"Bullshit," Louis snaps. "You're not fine, let us in."

"No," Liam repeats in an adamant tone. "I'm fine, leave me alone."

"Liam--"

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" he screams. He scrambles up from the floor and shuts himself up in the bathroom, slamming the door behind him and locking it. If they break down the door to his room then they'll have to break down that one as well in order to get to him.

Liam presses his back against the door and slides down to the floor, burying his head against his knees as the tears start flowing from his eyes without restraint.

There's no telling how long Liam spends on the floor in the bathroom; he doesn't have his phone on him and his sobs mixed with the sound of the air vent in the ceiling muffle any other noises he may have been able to hear otherwise. He cries until he physically cannot shed another tear and even then he stays on the cold tile floor as though it'll be punishment enough for whatever he's done to drive Sophia away.

Eventually he picks himself up off the floor, clutching the edge of the bathroom counter as he pulls himself to his feet and hides from his own reflection in the mirror. He's relieved that the door to his room hasn't been broken down in the time he's been in the bathroom, but the relief disappears when he enters into the main part of the room and is painfully aware of how empty it is.

The makeup that was scattered across the desk is gone, the surface swept clean as though nothing had ever been there. The various articles of Sophia's clothing that had been draped over the chair in the corner have vanished, leaving nothing but the tacky floral print of the fabric on display.

Liam's afraid to even step close to the bed for fear of getting a whiff of Sophia's perfume from the pillow she'd slept on the night before, just the thought of it was enough to make his heart ache.

He jumps at the sound of his phone buzzing across the nightstand, having forgotten all about it in his misery. Liam plans to continue to ignore it and hide from the world for as long as he can, as should be his right given the state he's in.

The phone keeps buzzing, stopping for perhaps a few seconds before it starts buzzing all over again. He waits, still adamant about not checking it until a new thought crosses his mind: what if it's Sophia?

He rushes over to the nightstand with hope in his heart, but it's crushed when he looks at the screen and doesn't see her name. It's Harry's that lights up the display and Liam curses, letting it ring until it goes to voicemail all over again.

It's then that he sees that Harry has called him twelve times in a row, and tries again for number thirteen almost immediately.

"For fuck's sake, Harry," Liam grumbles as he grabs his phone and answers it with a gruff "what do you want?"

"Liam," Harry gasps in relief, "Christ, are you alright?"

"I'm fine," Liam answers automatically, holding onto every bit of anger that's welled up inside of him. "Stop calling me."

"Liam, don't hang up. Please."

Liam exhales slowly, his fingers wrapped tightly around his phone and his free hand shakes with effort as he curls it into a fist.

"Stop. Calling. Me."

"Then let me in, Liam, please? I'm just outside, I won't bother you for long just… please."

A soft knock sounds at the door and Liam breathes out a harsh puff of air before he mutters "fine" into his phone and hangs up on Harry. He strides over to the door, checking the peephole just to make sure it's only Harry on the other side.

He can't handle all three boys right now, he just can't.

The latch clangs against the door when Liam unhooks it, and it appears to startle Harry when the door suddenly swings backwards because he stands in the hallways frozen and stares at Liam.

"You coming in or what?"

"Liam," Harry breathes out as he steps into the room, waiting for Liam to close the door behind him before he pulls him into a hug.

Liam hugs him back for perhaps five seconds before he's pulling away from Harry's arms and crossing his own in front of his chest.

"What do you want, Harry?"

"I wanted to know that you were okay," Harry says gently. "Louis and Niall told me that Soph--"

"I'm fine," Liam cuts in sharply before Harry can say her full name. "I just wanted to be alone for a bit, is that too much to ask?"

"Well, no." Harry frowns. "But, Liam, you--"

"Just five minutes of peace, that's all I want," Liam continues, his anger growing inside of him and filling him with a sense of outrage he's absolutely never felt before. "But I can't even have that, can I?"

"Of course you can, but--"

"But what, Harry? What d'you mean, "of course you can"? I bloody well can't, not with you lot. Not to mention every single fucking person on the planet wanting to know every single part of my life!"

"Liam, what--"

"Why are you here, Harry? Did the others send you to make sure I'd be fine in time for the show tonight? Were you sent to make sure that I'd put on a smile and act happy and pretend like my girlfriend didn't just up and fucking leave without so much as one reason why?"

"No, Liam," Harry tries, "shit, I didn't know--"

"Well now you do. It's a matter of time before the whole world knows, innit? Nothing is sacred for us, nothing!"

"Liam," Harry says in the same gentle tone as he tries to take Liam's hands in his own to calm him down, "it's going to be alright."

"No it's not, Harry!" Liam shouts, pushing his hands away. Harry looks stunned at his outburst, but Liam can't barely see anything through his blind rage. "Nothing is fucking alright! I can't go out there and pretend anymore! I wish I could, but…" Liam laughs hollowly and shakes his head. "Y'know, I don't. I don't wish that. D'you know what I wish?"

"What?" Harry asks cautiously.

"I wish this had never happened." Liam waves his hands around. "All of this."

"You don't mean that."

"I do." Liam nods.

"You're upset, you're not thinking straight, Liam." Harry frowns sadly. "You don't mean that."

"If this had never happened, if One Direction didn't exist, then I wouldn't be feeling like this. I wouldn't have to worry about putting on a smile for thousands of people after having my heart ripped out of my chest!" Liam shakes his head and stares down at the floor. "I can't do it, Harry."

"Liam--"

"Get out." Liam lifts his head. "I mean it, Harry. Get out."

"But…"

"I want to be left alone." Liam moves towards Harry, corralling him towards the door as he reaches for the handle. "Tell the others I'm not going onstage tonight. Tell whoever, I don't care. I'm not going."

"Liam, you can't," Harry begs as he steps backwards. "You love performing, we all do. I'll be there with you, it'll get better, you'll see--"

"No," Liam says firmly as he pulls the door open and Harry stumbles through it. "Just leave me alone, Harry."

"Liam--"

He closes the door in Harry's face and re-latches the chain across the door, ignoring Harry knocking on the other side.

Liam retreats to the bed, switching his phone off entirely before he throws all of the pillows onto the floor and burrows under the covers. He doesn't even bother turning the lights off, he just shuts his eyes tightly and tries not to shake too much as he starts to cry all over again.

*

When Liam wakes up he's disoriented by the darkness surrounding him. He fumbles around for the bedside table so he can either grab his phone or switch on the lamp, but before he can find either a light appears from the other side of the room and practically blinds him.

"Who's there?" he asks, his voice hoarse as he tries to shield his eyes from the light.

"Sorry, sorry," a familiar voice says with an exasperated sigh, "still trying to get used to this thing." The light fades until it's just bright enough to light up the room and Liam blinks several times, thinking he must still be dreaming because he can't believe his eyes. "That's better, innit?"

"Sophia?"

"Who?" Liam stares at her as she looks back at him with a confused look on her face, but he's positive that it's her.

"Soph… you've come back!" He starts to move towards the foot of the bed to get closer to her as he keeps staring at her; she's dressed all in white and he realizes that the light he'd seen before is actually coming from _her_ , she's absolutely glowing and it makes her look even more beautiful than he's ever seen before. The sight makes it especially painful when she holds up her arms in front of her to ward him off and he remembers: they're not together anymore.

"Oh, right!" She looks down at herself and laughs. "Before you go getting any ideas, I'm not _actually_ your girlfriend. Former girlfriend, whatever."

Liam's face falls as he sits on the edge of the bed and shakes his head. "Hang on, if you're not her then why do you look like her? Who are you?"

"It isn't obvious?" she asks. "I'm your guardian angel."

"My… what?"

"Your guardian angel, silly. I look like this," she gestures to herself, "because we knew I'm the one person you'd hopefully listen to. Make sense?"

"No." Liam shakes his head in disbelief. "I'm dreaming, this can't be real."

"'Fraid it is, love." She crosses her arms and offers a sad smile. "I wouldn't be here if this weren't real."

"That doesn't make any sense," Liam mutters. "How do I know this is real?"

"Ask me anything you like. I told you, I'm not Sophia, but I've been watching you your whole life--" she pauses when Liam's eyes go wide, "oh not like that, you pervert! I'm your guardian angel, don't be disgusting."

"I didn't say anything!"

"Yeah, well, you were thinking it." She shakes her finger at him and sighs. "You've been hanging around with Louis too much, y'know. That's what it is."

"Hang on, so… you're my guardian angel."

"Yep."

"But you're not my girlfriend." She shakes her head. "You just look like her."

"See? Now you're getting it."

"Can I call you Sophia?" He frowns. "Or would that be weird?"

"If it helps you, you can call me Sophia." She smiles at him. "I'm here to help, Liam."

"Help with what?"

Sophia smiles even wider. "You'll see."

The room around them shifts making Liam feel like he's spinning for a moment so he closes his eyes to try and make it stop. When he opens them he finds that he's not in the hotel room anymore but in the hallway of a hospital and Sophia is standing right beside him.

"You don't feel queasy, do you?"

"What?" he asks, giving her a strange look.

"Sometimes people get a little queasy the first time, it's perfectly natural. Plus given your history with hospitals, I wasn't sure how you'd handle this."

"Handle what?" Liam looks around. "What're we doing here? Are we still in Belfast?"

Sophia laughs. "Not anymore."

"What's going on?" Liam demands. "Are you going to tell me anything or are you just going to laugh at me?"

"I'm not laughing at you, Liam." Sophia tilts her head and motions for him to follow. "Come along and you'll understand in due time."

"I don't like this," Liam grumbles.

"Hush," Sophia remarks over her shoulder. Liam scowls at her back for about half a second and then feels bad about it. Even though it's not _actually_ Sophia and he knows that, he knows he shouldn't be rude.

Sophia leads him into a room down the hall and at first Liam has no idea why she's picked this room - some distant part of his mind is struggling to think if he'd forgotten about some charity visit he was supposed to make and this is his brain's way of reminding him - until a familiar laugh rings out at the far end of the room and Liam stares with his mouth fallen open.

"Louis?" he says aloud, but there's just one thing: it's not _his_ Louis.

Without a doubt he's seeing Louis surrounded by small children in hospital gowns, all giggling and playing with various toys, but it isn't the same Louis he saw earlier in the hotel hallway. This Louis is wearing a plain, white t-shirt that shows his _completely bare_ arms.

"What's going on?" Liam turns to stare at Sophia. "What's Louis done to his arms? Why doesn't he have any tattoos?"

"He never got any," Sophia explains calmly. "Too many of his jobs don't allow them and he never really liked the idea in the first place."

"What d'you mean "his jobs"? He's only got one job, with me and the lads!" Liam looks back at Louis and shakes his head. "This isn't right."

"This is his reality, Liam. In a world where One Direction never happened, this is where Louis ended up."

"In a hospital?" Liam swallows harshly. "He's not… he's alright, isn't he?"

"Oh, god, yes!" Sophia clutches her heart and laughs. "He's not sick! He volunteers here, this is the hospital where his mum works."

"Oh thank god," Liam says as he exhales deeply. "Don't scare me like that!"

"I didn't think you'd think he was ill! Does he look ill to you?"

"No, but…" Liam trails off and looks at Louis again. Apart from not having any tattoos, he doesn't look all that different. The worry that filled Liam's heart when he thought Louis might be ill fades away and he's comforted by the fact that even without One Direction Louis seems happy. "He's doing alright, isn't he?"

Sophia stays silent and Liam frowns.

"Why aren't you agreeing? He's working with kids, he loves kids, why isn't this--"

Liam's cut off by the sound of a mobile going off and he turns to see Louis pull one from his pocket. It's an older, boxy Nokia model, not the iPhone that Liam is used to seeing in Louis' hand. Liam's confused for a moment before he reminds himself that this _isn't_ real. Or at least, it's not his reality. Or something. Maybe he is still confused.

"Yeah?" Louis says into it, his Yorkshire accent thicker than Liam expected it to be. "Tomorrow? But I'm supposed to be off tomorrow, I told--" Louis pauses and groans under his breath. "No, don't give it away, I'll take it. Yeah, I'll be there."

"What's going on?" Liam asks as he turns back to Sophia.

"Not everything is as it seems, Liam."

The room shifts again and the spinning feeling comes back, and this time Liam does feel a bit queasy when they suddenly appear in a new place.

"I don't think I like that," he mumbles.

"You'll get used to it," Sophia assures him. Liam grumbles under his breath before he looks around and sees they're on some street he's never seen before, but somehow he can tell they're in the middle of London. He looks around at all the people passing by and as he goes to cover his face, Sophia pulls at his arm.

"No need, love. Nobody can see you."

"Really?" Liam laughs. "That's amazing, how d'you do that?"

"It's a secret," she replies with a grin. "Can't tell you, you're not a guardian angel."

"Cheeky." He smiles at her for a moment before he's struck with the memory of the last time he said that to the _real_ Sophia and the events that transpired after, and he quickly turns away from her. "So now what? What're we doing here?"

"Well, it's..." Sophia checks her wrist for the time, even though there's no watch there. "Nearly seven in the morning, which means we've got a bit of time to kill."

"How d'you know--" Liam's interrupted by bells going off, signaling that it is indeed seven o'clock, and he shakes his head. "Another guardian angel secret, is it? Telling time without a watch?"

"Now who's being cheeky?" Sophia shivers. "Let's get out of the cold, shall we?" She looks behind them quickly and then grabs Liam's arm to pull him into a coffee shop as another couple walks out. "Much better."

"You haven't told me what we're doing here," Liam says with a huff. "Or why you took me to see Louis for about twenty seconds."

"It was longer than twenty seconds," Sophia replies. "And you'll see why we're here soon enough."

"I don't see why you didn't appear to me as Louis," Liam grumbles, "you're as much of a pain in the arse as he is."

"You wouldn't listen to Louis earlier, would you?" Sophia says as she crosses her arms.

"Earlier? You mean when he was banging on my door?" Sophia nods. "That's different, that was--"

"Shh, it's about to start." Sophia puts a finger to Liam's lips to quiet him, ignoring the look on his face.

"What's--"

"Where the hell is Louis?!" a booming voice sounds from behind the counter, startling the few employees who are doing their best to help the customers in line already.

"He said he'd be here," one answers timidly.

"He's late. Again."

"He's coming from Doncaster, he was up visiting his mum when--"

"If he said he'd be here then he should _be_ here."

Liam frowns at the voice. He doesn't know who it belongs to but he knows he doesn't like them.

"There he is!" the timid voice calls out as the front door of the coffee shop opens and in runs Louis.

"Sorry! Sorry!" he shouts as he quickly runs behind the counter and rushes to take off his jacket and pull on an apron. "I had to run all the way from the train station, the tube was--"

"You're late. Next time, you're fired."

Louis swallows harshly and whispers, "it won't happen again."

Sophia puts her hand on Liam's arm, a simple gesture to keep him from trying to intervene when it wouldn't even matter anyway. Liam is frowning when he looks at her, enraged at how Louis is being treated and saddened by the way Louis is just _taking_ it.

"The Louis I know would never let someone treat him like that!"

"This Louis can't afford to get sacked again," Sophia explains. "He's already gone through eight jobs this year because of mouthing off to the wrong person."

"But…" Liam turns to look at Louis again and his heart aches to see the defeated look on his face. "It's not right."

"That's life." Sophia shrugs when Liam looks at her. "It's not always right."

Liam glances back at Louis with a frown, wishing that he could just go right over and pull him into a hug. It breaks Liam's heart to see Louis like this and it hurts even more knowing he can't do anything about it when Louis is the one who's done so much for him.

"I don't want to be here anymore," he whispers to Sophia. "Can we go?"

"Hold on, now. There's someone else here who you might want to see."

"I don't want to see whoever they are, can we just--"

"Well hello!" Louis greets brightly. "Back for more muffins, I presume?"

"At least one," a warm, happy voice replies. Liam's heart leaps at the sound; he knows it's Harry. "I'm afraid I've got a rather long list today apart from that."

"Give it here, I'm sure it can't be all that bad."

Harry hands Louis the list as he takes his hat off and Liam's absolutely stunned to see how short his hair is. He's gotten so used to Harry having long locks that it's positively shocking to see him with anything else. Louis whistles as he reads over the list, shaking his head as he gives Harry a wry smile.

"I take it back, this is awful."

"I told you," Harry replies. He glances around the coffee shop while Louis starts calling out his order to his fellow workers, and Liam freezes when Harry looks his way.

"He can't see you," Sophia whispers with a giggle.

"Shut up, I know that," Liam whispers back. His heart drops when Harry looks away, he already misses the warmth from his eyes.

"Haven't they realized you're a proper barrister yet and not an errand boy?" Louis quips as he rings up Harry's order.

"I think I'd be luckier if they forgot I existed at all," Harry replies. "At least then I wouldn't have to bring them coffee every morning."

"But then you'd miss my smiling face!" Louis smirks. "And isn't that worth it in the end?"

"Of course." Harry smiles as he shakes his head. "Best part of my day, coming in here." He hands Louis money to pay for the order and slips a tenner into the tip jar. "Thanks, Lou."

"Anytime, mate. You know you're my favorite customer."

Harry smiles as he turns away from Louis and heads to the far side of the counter to wait for his order while Louis starts talking to the next customer, and Liam leans in to Sophia.

"Are they… y'know…" he whispers.

"Y'know you don't have to whisper, right?" Sophia whispers back. "And no, they only know each other through this shop."

"Oh," Liam says as he straightens up and clears his throat. "Right. Okay."

"You alright?" Sophia asks, her voice slightly teasing in a way that Liam isn't sure if he likes it or not.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Liam replies defensively.

"No reason." Sophia rolls her eyes. "No reason at all."

"Soph--"

"Come along," she says as she takes a hold of Liam's arm, "we've got places to be."

"Not the spinny thing again," Liam says with a groan.

"Not this time." Sophia pats his arm. "Unless we manage to lose Harry in the crowd because you're dragging your feet, c'mon Liam!"

She pulls him out of the coffee shop and down the street after Harry, not caring about how many people she runs into because it appears that in addition to not being seen by anyone they also can't _touch_ anyone.

"Hang on," Liam says after the fourth person he's almost run into goes right through him. "Am I a ghost?!"

"No, don't be stupid." Sophia huffs. "What good would invisibly traipsing around London do if you still bumped into everyone?"

"So… we're ghosts but not ghosts?"

"I just said don't be stupid, Liam. We're not ghosts." Sophia huffs again and yanks Liam into the revolving door that Harry already passed through. They follow him into the lift along with several other people and Liam finds himself shifting around to give them space and murmuring "excuse me" more than once.

Sophia snickers from the corner she stands in, half on top of another woman who's standing near her, and Liam glares at her.

"Shut up."

"I didn't say anything."

"You were thinking it," Liam mocks, and he gives Sophia a smile when she shakes her head at him.

"Now who's cheeky," she murmurs as the lift dings and the doors open. They follow Harry through them and towards a set of doors for one of the most prestigious law firms in London, and Liam lets out a low whistle.

"He did it, then." He looks at Sophia and chuckles. "He became a lawyer."

"In a manner of speaking," Sophia mutters as they follow Harry into the firm, and Liam's cut off by several loud voices before he's able to ask what she meant.

Harry is enveloped by a flurry of people, each one grabbing either a drink from the trays or a snack from the bags he carried from the coffee shop but not a single one of them bothers to thank Harry for bringing them. A frown forms on Liam's face and deepens with every passing second, especially when a man he presumes to be Harry's boss starts screaming at him for what seems to be no reason at all.

"He can't speak to him that way," Liam says as he turns to Sophia. "How can Harry work for a man like that?"

"He may be a genuinely awful human being," Sophia explains, "but he's one of the best barristers in all of the UK. Harry knows he can learn a lot from him if he just… gives it time."

"Gives it time? You mean if Harry waits around for this arsehole to stop treating him like garbage he _might_ learn from him?"

Sophia pauses for a moment and then lets out a breath as she says "yeah, that's pretty much it."

"That's crap. You know that's crap!"

"That's _life_ , Liam."

"Stop saying that!" Liam groans. "Not everything in life is this horrible!"

"Not everything, no." Sophia gently touches Liam's shoulder to give him comfort. "But not everyone has a charmed life, Liam."

"I know that," he mumbles defiantly. "M'not stupid." He looks across the room to where Harry's still being berated by his boss and he shakes his head. "It's just not fair."

"C'mon," Sophia says as she tugs on his arm, crossing the room to follow Harry when he finally gets dismissed and starts heading down another hallway.

They follow him to a tiny, hole in the wall office that's barely big enough for Harry to fit inside with the desk and several cabinets let alone Liam and Sophia as well. When Harry goes to shut the door, Sophia backs Liam into one of the cabinets and it bangs against his back in a rather painful manner.

"So we don't need to worry about walking into people but bloody _cabinets_?" Sophia chuckles at Liam's frown and pats his cheek.

"Hush, now. Pay attention."

Liam grimaces but keeps his mouth shut and watches Harry sit down at his desk. He pulls a muffin from his bag and smiles as he sets it on his desk next to his computer. Liam's grimace fades away and starts to smile while Harry grabs his mouse and starts clicking around on his computer, presumably checking his email.

He lets out a surprised gasp a few seconds later and hurriedly clicks a few more times and switches on his computer's speakers, setting them to a low volume as he scoots his chair closer to his desk and picks up the muffin.

Curious, Liam steps closer to Harry's desk to see what he's looking at and he's surprised to see that Harry's looking at YouTube. He turns towards Sophia to ask what's going on but she puts a finger to her lips and gestures for him to turn back around.

Just as he does, the video on Harry's screen loads and Liam gasps himself. There, on Harry's screen, is Niall.

Liam almost doesn't recognize him; dark brown locks have replaced his signature bleach blond hair and his smile is slightly marred by his still-crooked teeth. But in spite of the physical differences he knows it's him because Niall's laugh is exactly the same.

"Niall's on YouTube?" Liam asks as he looks to Sophia for an answer. "Is he famous?"

"M'afraid not," Sophia replies as she shakes her head. "He's got a couple hundred, maybe a thousand subscribers but it's nothing compared to the views you four got as a band."

"But…" Liam turns back to the computer and smiles as he sees Niall playing his guitar and singing, "he's still talented. That hasn't changed, why has--"

"Don't you get it, Liam? One Direction doesn't _exist_."

"No, I know, I get that. It's just…" he trails off and frowns.

Sophia sighs softly. "No, Liam. I don't think you do."

The room changes before Liam's ready, Harry fading right before his eyes and by the time Liam tries to reach out to touch him it's too late. He and Sophia are standing in a pub Liam's never seen before and he slumps down onto a barstool.

"I really hate that."

"Sorry," Sophia replies as she sits down next to him. "Had to do it."

"Why?" Liam asks. "Why haven't you explained anything?"

"It's not time yet," Sophia answers cryptically and Liam can't help but pound his fists against the bar in frustration.

"Just tell me!"

"Liam, shh--"

"Don't shh me! Nobody can bloody hear me anyway, I'll shout all I want! Tell me why I'm here!"

"Look," Sophia says as she points to the other side of the pub where a microphone has been set up on a small stage, and Niall is standing behind it.

The pub is fairly empty but a few people are sitting near Niall and seem interested enough to pay attention as he carefully tunes his guitar.

"Are we still in London?" Liam asks. "Shouldn't there be more people around?"

"We're not in London, Liam. We're in Mullingar," Sophia answers.

"Mullingar?" Liam repeats. "So… Niall never left Ireland?"

"Why would he?" Sophia shrugs. "The X-Factor didn't work out."

"But...why?"

Sophia puts a finger to her lips and redirects Liam's attention to the stage where Niall's about ready to perform. A thousand questions are still whirling around Liam's head but he pushes them all aside in order to hear Niall sing.

"Thanks for coming, all… six of you." Niall laughs and those sitting in the tables around the stage chuckle along with him. "This first one's a cover of a song by Liam Payne, who's been a favorite of mine for… well, a long time."

"Did--" Liam looks at Sophia, "did he just say my name?"

"He did," Sophia replies with a half-smile. "Now, shh."

Liam stays quiet as Niall sings; it's a soulful ballad that Liam's obviously never heard before but it warms his heart and nearly brings a tear to his eye. At one point he pats down his pockets for his phone, thinking (wishing, more like) that he'd quite like to record it and keep it forever, but his pockets are empty. He doesn't look at Sophia but he can feel her looking at him and she doesn't need to say a word for him to know that even if he had his phone, the recording wouldn't keep.

"I still don't understand," Liam says after Niall's finished with the song. "Who am I in all of this? Why is Niall singing a song I've never heard?"

Sophia lets out a long breath and puts her hand on Liam's arm. "One last time, Liam. If this doesn't put things in perspective, then nothing will."

The room changes around them and Liam holds his breath, thinking maybe that will fix the twist in his stomach that the spinning creates. When the room comes into focus, Liam realizes that for the first time he actually recognizes where they are.

"This… this is Simon's office!" he says as he steps forward, away from Sophia.

"Yes," she answers softly.

"This is where we signed our deal after the X-Factor!" Liam continues excitedly. "He's got our photo right--"

Liam goes to the section of the wall where he's seen their photo so many times, only it's not there. In its place is a photo of just him and Simon, and he recognizes himself as the hopeful 15-year-old who'd tried out for the X-Factor on a lark.

"Wait…" he murmurs. "I didn't make it past the judges' house that year. What's going on?"

He rounds on Sophia, his eyes demanding the explanation he's been denied so many times before. She takes a deep breath as she steps closer in order to stand next to him and she taps the photo on the wall.

"In _this_ reality, you did. You won the X-Factor in 2008 and therefore didn't return to prove yourself in 2010 and get put in a group with the others. And because you weren't there, none of the other boys made it and One Direction never happened."

"That… but that's not right. That's not what happened." Liam shakes his head. "I couldn't do this on my own, I needed them!"

Sophia chuckles. "You've done rather well on your own, Liam."

Before he can refute her claim, the doors behind them open and Liam is taken aback as he sees _himself_ walk through them. He looks about the same as he does when Liam looks in the mirror, except for one important thing: this version of Liam looks positively miserable.

"This is spooky," Liam mumbles as his alternate self walks past with his entourage. He gets distracted trying to see if actually recognizes anyone in the group, causing Sophia to have to pull him along to follow them properly. "Where's Paddy?"

"Dunno," Sophia answers with a shrug. "Must be doing security for someone else."

"But I love Paddy," Liam remarks sadly as the two follow the group into a conference room and stick close to the door.

Liam stares at his feet for a few minutes, feeling sorry about things he can't possibly change in this universe, when he looks up and sees a familiar face on the other side of the room: Harry.

He's standing on the far side of the conference room with a few other people who Liam assume are his colleagues from the law firm, and Liam frowns when he notices the same man who was yelling at Harry before is with them now. He's about to make a comment to Sophia about how he doesn't particularly care for that man when Harry looks up and sees Liam - this universe's Liam, who takes a seat at the end of the table and keeps his eyes down - and promptly drops all of the papers in his hands.

It takes all of thirty seconds for Harry to scoop them up again while apologizing profusely, but it's no matter. His boss gives the alternate Liam a sharp smile and a quick, gruff apology before he drags Harry out of the room by his arm, just barely making it into the hallway before he starts shouting.

"That's unprofessional," Liam mutters to Sophia as he looks at his alternate self with disdain, "why isn't he doing anything about it?"

Sophia doesn't say anything in response and Liam watches as Harry and his boss file back into the room, this time Harry doesn't look up from the floor. Liam tunes out whatever the meeting is actually about - as it doesn't actually matter in this universe and most of the time he's distracted in meetings anyway so it's sort of habit now - and watches Harry the whole time. He doesn't look up once, not even when he walks towards the other end of the table to give the alternate Liam a stack of paperwork.

"Thank you," the alternate Liam says as he starts thumbing through the papers as Harry's boss continues talking, but Liam catches the small smile that appears on Harry's face before he quickly turns and walks back to the other side of the room.

By the end of the meeting Liam's absolutely fed up with Harry's boss and he wishes he weren't a ghost (or whatever the hell he is) so he could give the man a piece of his mind. He stands with his arms crossed and his face pulled down in a frown as everyone files out of the room apart from Harry, who's left with the task of gathering up all the paperwork that was strewn across the table.

"This is awful," Liam remarks with a huff.

"What is?" Sophia asks.

"This! Everything!" Liam lets out a sigh and then starts to pace around as he rants, "Harry's miserable because his boss is an arsehole, Louis is stuck in dead-end jobs that don't appreciate him, Niall's in bloody Ireland playing to crowds who'd rather be getting drunk than listen to him, and I'm--"

Liam stops in the middle of his tirade to stare at his alternate self who slips back into the conference room so quietly that Harry doesn't notice him at all.

"Hi," he says, starling Harry and making him drop his papers all over again. "Oh god, I'm so sorry."

"No!" Harry says quickly as he scrambles to gather them up, "it's fine, it's my fault, you don't have to--"

"Please, let me help," the alternate Liam says as he crouches down next to Harry and starts picking up the fallen papers.

"Sorry about this," Harry murmurs, "and before, that was my fault entirely--"

"It's fine," the alternate Liam insists with a soft laugh. "you don't have to apologize, really. We all make mistakes."

Harry stares at him and he chuckles again. Liam gives Sophia a curious look and she just smiles in return.

"I mean," the alternate Liam goes on, "you should see some of the stupid things my team has covered up for me over the years." His eyes go wide and he quickly adds, "not that what you did was stupid, that's not what I meant to say!"

"Please," Harry says with a low chuckle, "you're telling me that perfect Liam Payne has a wild side?" Suddenly Harry has the same wide-eyed look as he realizes what he's said and grabs Liam's arm as he blurts out, "please tell me I didn't say that out loud!"

The two of them stare at each other for approximately five seconds before they both burst into laughter and Liam's heart swells at the sight of it. It's the first time he's seen his alternate self show a true smile.

"Do you understand now, Liam?" Sophia asks, taking his attention away from the heartwarming moment occurring a few feet away.

"Understand what?" Liam looks at her and she stares blankly back at him.

"Why you're here, why I've shown you all of these things?" She sighs. "Don't make me spell it out for you, now."

"I don't…" Liam looks back at the other two and lets out a strangled groan. "Is it… supposed to show me that even in another life we'd all be okay?"

He slowly turns to face Sophia, not liking the look on her face one bit when he sees it.

"You've got to be joking," she mutters as she puts her head in her hands. "Liam, just _how_ are you still oblivious to what's really going on here?"

"I don't--"

"Harry's in love with you!" Sophia shouts. "And you're in love with him!"

"What?" Liam chuckles nervously. "No, no, we're just friends, he's like a brother to me, I--"

"Please," Sophia says quickly as he holds up her hand, "please do not put that in my head, just shut up and listen, alright?"

Liam dutifully shuts his mouth and waits for her to continue, all the while fighting the urge to look back at his alternate self still talking to Harry.

"Do you remember how you wished One Direction had never happened? How you thought that if you weren't in a world-famous boyband that your life would somehow be better or easier?"

"Yeah…" Liam says softly, not sure he likes wherever Sophia is going with this train of thought.

"What do you think now, Liam? Are you happy? Are the boys you call your best friends happy? Are all four of you better off without having been a part of One Direction?"

Liam frowns. "No…"

"Okay, glad we're on the same page." Sophia huffs.

"But," Liam sighs as he looks at himself, still crouched down on the floor laughing with Harry, "he can't be in love with me. A-And I'm not in love with him."

"Are you sure about that?" Sophia asks.

"I'm not--"

"You can't lie to me, Liam. I've been watching, remember?"

Liam hangs his head and closes his eyes. "He doesn't love me."

"What makes you think he hasn't been saying that to himself about you for the last five years?" Sophia asks calmly as she steps towards Liam and lays her hand on his shoulder. "He's watched you date other people to try and get over your feelings, all the while holding a candle for someone he thinks he'll never have a chance with."

"No," Liam shakes his head, "he doesn't, he would've told me."

"Would he? He's seen how happy you were with Danielle and Sophia, why would he risk everything on the chance you wouldn't feel the same?"

"I don't…" Liam shakes slightly as tears start to fill his eyes. His mind flashes with memories from over the years; little things that seemed so inconsequential now mean so much more and it makes his heart ache to think of how oblivious he's been. And when he thinks of his last conversation with Harry, his knees buckle and he falls to the floor.

"Liam--"

"I was so horrible to him," Liam sobs, "he just wanted to make sure I was alright and I… I yelled and pushed him away. How could I do that?"

"You were upset," Sophia says in a soothing tone, "he'll understand."

"Will he?" Liam looks at Sophia as he tries to wipe his tears away, and the last thing he sees is her smile before they're enveloped by light and he has to close his eyes.

*

When Liam opens his eyes he's back in his hotel room, the lights still on even though it's the early hours of the morning according to the clock on the bedside table. Liam sits up in bed and rubs his eyes a few times, hardly believing that he's not still in that weird alternate universe.

His phone is sitting on the bedside table, still switched off from his earlier rampage. When he turns it on a flood of notifications fill his screen; thousands upon thousands of well wishes from fans, hundreds of texts and an alarming number of voicemails from his own mother.

He scrolls through a few of the tweets he's been sent, realizing that the reason they're all wishing him well is because the show the previous night was cancelled under the excuse that Liam was ill. He's about to open a tweet to apologize when he comes across one in particular that makes his chest hurt.

**@Harry_Styles: Deepest apologies to everyone at the show tonight in Belfast. Very disappointed, but unfortunately these things happen. We're very sorry. H**

"Harry," he whispers under his breath. He tosses his phone aside and stands up, quickly running for the door without so much as a second thought. It's not until he finds himself at Harry's door that he thinks maybe this isn't such a good idea.

It's the middle of the night, after all.

 _It can wait_ , he thinks to himself. _Harry will still be here in the morning_.

Liam turns on his heel and takes two steps down the hallway back towards his room before he mutters, "fuck it," under his breath and whips back around and knocks on Harry's door.

There's no answer, so Liam knocks again. He presses his ear to the door and listens for any movement inside the room, hoping against hope that Harry is actually in there and he knocks again. He's about to give up after the fourth knock when he hears the lock flip on the other side and the door slowly opens.

Harry appears in the doorway, groggy and disheveled from sleep with a confused look on his face when he realizes who's been knocking on his door.

"Liam?"

"Harry," Liam breathes out.

"What're you…"

"Can I come in?" Liam interrupts. Harry lets out a soft groan but lets go of the door, letting Liam step through before he closes the door behind himself.

"D'you know what time it is, Liam?" Harry mumbles as he shuffles back towards his bed and sits down.

"Early," Liam answers, "or late, depending. Did I wake you?"

"Little bit," Harry replies, pinching his fingers together with about a centimeter of space between them and he chuckles. "What're you doing here?"

Liam walks over to the bed, choosing to stand in front of Harry rather than sit down next to him. He's mildly worried that if he gets too close he'll lose his nerve. He hasn't quite figured out what he's going to say, but in the end it doesn't matter because his heart decides for him.

"I love you," Liam blurts out, suddenly breathless. Harry just stares at him, which sends Liam into a bit of a tailspin. "I'm so sorry for earlier, I never should've said those things to you. I know you were only trying to help and I pushed you away and shut you out and I shouldn't have, Harry, I know that now.

"You wouldn't _believe_ the night I've had - I don't know if I believe it, to be honest - it was like a dream or something, but really more like a nightmare. We were all so miserable, Harry: Louis wasn't _Louis_ and Niall was still in Ireland, and you… you were brilliant but your boss was a complete dickhead and it just wasn't _fair_!

"But even with all of that we still found each other and I didn't see it before but I see it now, I do, and… alright, well maybe Sophia had to explain it and it wasn't _really_ Sophia but she looked like her but really it was my guardian angel and she's the one who told me you loved me back and I can't believe I never saw it before, Harry, and I'm so sorry. I should've told you ages ago that I loved you back instead of pushing those feelings away and hiding in other relationships and pretending like… no, that's not right, I wasn't _pretending_ , that's mean to say because it's not like I didn't feel something for Dani and Soph because I did but... they just weren't _you_."

Liam takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly as he looks at Harry, hoping he hasn't lost him in the midst of his rambling.

"Harry?" he whispers. "Say something, please."

"You love me?" Harry says, his eyes bright and shining as he stares back at Liam.

"Is that all you got from that?" Liam asks, helpless to hold back a hysterical laugh.

"It's what's most important, innit?" Harry laughs. "Besides, if you'd wanted me to listen to the rest, you shouldn't have started with "I love you"."

"The rest of it was important, too!" Liam protests, intending to repeat himself but he doesn't get the chance because Harry suddenly gets to his feet and presses his lips against Liam's.

"I love you too," Harry murmurs against Liam's lips, smiling widely as Liam's cheeks turn red. "In case you were wondering."

"You do?" Liam breathes out, smiling as Harry kisses him again.

"Mhmm." Harry chuckles. "Just like Sophia said. Or… not Sophia? Your guardian angel, or something. Didn't really catch that part."

"Liar."

"Alright, maybe I was listening. You're cute when you ramble."

Liam smiles and cups Harry's cheeks to kiss him again, though it's interrupted a few seconds later when Harry can't hold back a yawn. Harry frowns and buries his head against Liam's shoulder as the two of them wrap their arms around each other.

"I'd really like to keep kissing you," Harry mumbles into Liam's shoulder, "but I'm also _really_ tired."

"Sleep now, more kissing in the morning?" Liam offers and Harry smiles.

"Sounds perfect."

Liam lets go of Harry and lets him slide back into bed before he crawls in next to him and switches off the light. Harry rolls over and wraps himself around Liam, nuzzling his nose against Liam's neck while he presses light kisses against his skin.

"I really am sorry," Liam mumbles softly, "for everything I said before."

"I know," Harry replies. "It's okay, Liam."

"It's not, but it will be, right?"

"If I say yes, will you kiss me and then go to sleep?"

"Harry--"

"Liam," Harry says with a deep sigh, "you apologized, I accepted, there's nothing more you can do tonight except kiss me and promise to be here when I wake up. We'll talk properly tomorrow when I'm not half-asleep, okay?"

"Okay," Liam answers dutifully.

"Good." Harry smiles against Liam's neck before he props himself up to hover over Liam, his smile still visible even in the darkness of the room. "Now I believe I was promised a kiss."

"You're ridiculous," Liam says, but he curls his fingers into Harry's hair and tugs him down for a kiss anyway.

*

LIam thought he'd never want to get out of bed again after Sophia left, but it was nothing compared to waking up next to Harry. The following morning he opens his eyes to see Harry lying next to him with a smile on his face as he watches Liam wake up.

It's lucky that they don't have any promo scheduled that day, considering Harry and Liam don't leave Harry's hotel room until they absolutely have to leave for the show that night.

Liam still has an underlying feeling of guilt for all the things he said to Harry the night before on top of the guilt he feels for forcing them to cancel a show. But the moment he steps out on stage with his boys, it all melts away.

He remembers why he loves his life, every single part of it. He absolutely wouldn't trade it for anything, not even a second of it.

He loses track of the number of times Louis makes him laugh or how many ridiculous dance moves he and Niall trade back and forth, but his renewed sense of pride for his job and the love for his best friends make every little thing mean the world to him.

What means the absolute most, though, is the small smiles that he and Harry share every time they lock eyes. Harry makes him feel giddy and warm all over, the small touches they share during the show make him both nervous and excited for what's to come later.

As they take their final bow of the night, Liam looks out over the crowd and breathes a sigh of relief. He's right where he wants to be with the people who mean the most to him and he knows he's never going to let it go.

**Author's Note:**

> [my tumblr](http://imlouisaf.tumblr.com)  
>   
> 
> ***please note that in this fic, Zayn does not exist/was never a part of 1D because I didn't want his leaving to overshadow all of Liam's other reasons for wishing 1D never existed and while he's not my favorite person in the world I do not mean for my decision to leave Zayn out of this fic entirely to reflect poorly upon him... or something***


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